Asking Better Questions

What if we asked ourselves better questions? The life we live – and the courage available for traversing life’s journey – is directly correlated with the quality of the questions we ask ourselves (and thus the answers upon which we land). When we realize life is a multiple-choice test AND WE ARE THE ONES WRITING THE QUESTIONS (and the available answers), everything changes.

Let’s start with some low-hanging fruit to plant future seeds of growth: our daily exercise/fitness considerations. One option upon waking is to ask the seemingly straight-forward question “Should I exercise today?” It’s a simple question and might even be viewed as a positive approach to assimilating healthy activity into our lives. But what happens when answering the Yes/No question we created? Things get a bit more complicated, as the odds quickly stack in the wrong direction as we realize our answer is driven by the question we created. We are likely to answer “yes”… If we slept well… If we don’t have any unexpected variables in our lives (family/roommate/work requests) or get distracted by the latest social media post… If we tune into both the short- and long-term benefits, etc. If we answer yes to all of those subcomponents, then maybe we select “yes” to the original question we created. However, that is a lot of “IFs” creating headwinds for our successful path forward.

The (better) alternative might be to change the question to “What fitness activity is on tap for today?” The difference is palatable, as the “IFs” are almost entirely removed from the equation. Instead of Yes/No options with the odds heavily slanted toward “no”, we insert our favorite, readily available alternatives (e.g., run, gym, cycling, swim, walking dog), make our selection, and move forward!

When it comes to health, wellness & performance, this strategy can be applied to our fueling (“What should I eat?” vs. “What protein source should I include on my big salad today?”), sleep (“Should I go to bed now?” vs. “What do I need to wrap up so it’s lights out before 10?”), connections (“Should I ask Sally about getting her thoughts over coffee sometime?” vs. “Who should I grab coffee with this week to talk shop?”) and more.

The questions we ask ourselves…

drive the answers from which we choose…

which then determine the lives we live!

However, creating life-giving (versus default) questions that spark vitality requires courage. The status quo is the easy path. Fully living requires something more. German philosopher Martin Heidegger (1889-1976), considered by many to be among the most important philosophers of the 20th century, pointed to the importance of Entschlossenheit (German for “resolve”). It is a decision to live differently, to move away from the default, the daily routine, the conforming pull of societal norms. That begins with our questions.

Self-talk, tuning into the words we say to ourselves, continues to garner growing attention in the literature across a range of settings. Our published research on self-talk in runners was highlighted in an Outside Magazine article as an example of the effectiveness. However, we’re talking here about the precursor to self-talk: the topic on the table for (self) discussion and the chosen toolbox from which the answers are selected. While we’ve discussed (somewhat) superficial examples above, this strategy can also be utilized at a deeper level:

•         Why am I such an idiot?
  •  This question effectively presupposes you are, indeed, an idiot. The only available answers reinforce this inaccurate presupposition.
  • Alternative: “Why didn’t I understand that (concept, approach, technological development, etc.) as much as I would like and what can I do to change that for the better next time around?”

•         Why do I always lose my temper?
  • Many opportunities here, from use of the words “always” and “lose” to a similar presupposition about this occurrence being an auto response to a multitude of outcomes.
  • Alternative: “What does my response in that particular situation reveal about what’s going on inside of me?” or on a more superficial level “How would more sleep, a cue from a friend or a strategy such as counting to 10 before responding change the outcome in these types of situations?”

•         Why doesn’t anyone like me?
  • We answer the questions we place before us, which means this (and the other two above) demand we focus entirely on listing our shortcomings. Like the prior example, there’s a falsehood in the question that now requires us to build further solidify that falsehood.
  • Alternative: “When I’m with this particular group, what new approaches could I take that would build a positive bridge with one or more people?”

Living a courageous life of vitality does not result from asking common questions. It requires peeling back an additional layer, trading short-term comfort for long-term value. It involves turning the spotlight away from the front porch and down the rabbit hole of uncertainty and opportunity. Doing so may require pulling out a shovel from the shed but may also reveal undiscovered treasures buried beneath the surface.

What singular question could you ask yourself today that would create echoes of Heidegger’s resolve and lift you above the conforming pull of settling?